The Things We Grieve

Take a moment to close down your eyes and notice if it is possible that you are in an extended period of grieving – for someone or something that you no longer have.

In FasterEFT we recognise that so much unwanted pain in our lives is the result of unprocessed grief and loss. It is quite possible to drag it around for a lifetime. It could be quite knowingly with great attachment, because this provides a certain benefit. Or maybe it’s completely subconscious. The heaviness you feel, or the bad health you are suffering, is just “part of life”.

Big changes or disappointments in our lives can leave us feeling great loss and sadness which negatively impacts how we see ourselves and the world, so that we become less engaged in living a fully expressed life. We contract instead of expand. Disempowering beliefs cloud our vision and lurk beneath the surface that prevent us from living and creating more joyful life in the present. We may feel deep down we have failed somehow. A bit of self enquiry can be vastly illuminating.

So what are some of the things we possibly haven’t resolved that affect how we show up in our lives. What might you be still grieving? 

• The death of someone you loved
• A divorce or separation
• Moving country
• Losing friends
• The love and attention you wanted but never got
• Friends and family in faraway places
• The job or position you lost or left
• Your old life as you knew it
• The former you as you once were
• The activities you no longer can do
• What you wish you had done  
• Your youthful body and looks
• The healthier you
• The former carefree you
• Your life pre-Covid

Just by naming or noticing what you miss can help you to make a decision to move towards letting it go. Towards realising you can’t change the past and it’s time to make peace and move on.

Name the emotions that you feel. Is it sadness, disappointment, frustration, loss, loneliness, guilt, shame?

Do you gain anything by keeping the negative emotions such as guilt, sadness? It is often subconsciously that we keep it in place, torturing ourselves long past a healthy period of grieving, because we think we are somehow honouring the person or former situation. We may even have a belief that we need to hold onto grief around our old life, otherwise it meant nothing, or we’ll lose the connection with it or the person. Letting it go is not safe when you have this belief in place. There’s so much to explore here that is unique to you! The subconscious, rehearsed beliefs will keep your conscious actions in alignment, that’s for sure.

Being in the grip of negative emotions long term affects how we show up and how present we can be in our lives. It can also have an effect on our health.

If you are noticing right now that you may be holding onto grief and loss, write down if there is an underlying benefit to keep experiencing it. Write down the emotions you feel around the loss. You can do some tapping to change how you hold it in your mind and body. To set yourself free. After all, you are doing it inside of you.

Make a decision to change and start to tap away the feeling of grief and loss.

1. First think of a happy memory where you can feel good in your body. Make it strong.
2. Now associate to the emotions of sadness, guilt, loss, fear…whatever it is for you. Rate how strong it is 0-10.
3. Bring yourself back to this moment before it gets too strong!
4. Laugh at yourself and how deep you can go. It’s a crazy, eventful life!! 
5. Notice an imaginary tree in front of you and pull it out by the roots.
6. While tapping between the eyebrows, then side of eye, under eye and collar bone, say “I release and let go of the sadness, the guilt, the loss, this crazy program that’s kept me small and stuck. I let it go. I’m safe to let it go. I’m okay as I let it go. Peace.” Squeeze your wrist and at the same time big breath in and breath out.
7. Go back into your happy memory, be there 100% and feel great.
8. Check the grief and loss and notice what shows up. Body sensations, visuals, sounds. Rate it 0-10 and do another round of tapping with your attention on your fingers tapping, saying “I let it go. I let it all go.” Add in the words that come to mind…”the pain, the fear, sadness”. “I just let it all go and everything feels better. It’s not helping. I’m not going to get a medal. It’s time to let it go.”
9. Go back to your happy memory or laugh aloud at your quirkiness and how crazy this life can be, and how the brain keeps you perfectly “safe” and in alignment with what you have decided originally.
10. Do more tapping rounds till the negative emotions subside, and then make a new decision about your grief and loss. Create positive feelings and connections. “I choose to feel better. This is how I honour them and me. By remembering all the good times. By living my best life.” Say wonderful positive things to yourself and create a new narrative.

When you bring grief back into the light, take control, change the limiting decisions you made to hold onto it, and start to honour yourself, you create strong new, empowering links with loved ones, the past and new neural connections which make life truly beautiful. 

If you need help with overcoming your own attachment to grief and loss, send me a message and I’d be honoured to facilitate powerful change.

Darene